We apologize for the unannounced hiatus in writing for our wildly popular blog. For those of you who noticed, we thank you. We really do appreciate your interest in our lives and adventures here in wild Botswana. It can become quite lonely here at times and thinking about friends and family, who just might be thinking about us too, makes it bearable.
Due to some exceptionally difficult circumstances starting in July this year I (Amanda) have not felt the desire or need to express myself here on this platform. Mainly for your sake, dear reader, I have kept our blog from becoming cluttered with nonsense and negativity. For those who aren’t aware of those particular circumstances, I will divulge.
Most horrific of these was the passing of my stepfather Tom Mayburry while he was on trip in Ireland. He was an incredible man and great father and I miss him terribly. This kind of event, as you can imagine, is more difficult to deal with at a distance. What more is there to say? Death sucks.
Another situation comes out of a long, continuous battle that younger females serving in Africa deal with on a regular basis; that is sexual (/racial/gender/age/national) harassment and discrimination. After “dealing with” a man who was particularly fond of harassing me (and other women) for more than a year, I finally had him jailed for threatening to rape and kill me. Let me lower your alarms and red flags- this man is an alcoholic and is usually inebriated when he badgers me. He also would prefer an easy life in jail over his current one in poverty. I cannot ever be certain of whether he would follow through with his threats or if it is just a show for him. Regardless, the Peace Corps staff has worked with the police and me to ensure my safety and his custody. Aside from this more overt case of harassment, the usual continued to happen. I have not written about this widely experienced/talked-about issue among women, PCVs and ex-pats in Botswana due to its extremely frustrating and angering nature. Because I deal with it on a regular basis (usually daily) it is not something I like to remember by talking about it often. I do talk about it with Todd or a friend to try to maintain some form of mental and emotional health.
And lastly, work seemed to be growing more insignificant with numerous setbacks piling up and little progression. The volunteers-turned-staff at my organization were not letting me help and I found myself as no use to them. The kids club at the primary school that I had been trying to get fully functioning since February has still not solidified. I couldn’t find any other projects worth working on. As a volunteer, when your main reason for being here is to make a difference in a community, it is very disheartening and depressing when your work seems to be for nothing.
The life of volunteering with the Peace Corps in a rural village is locked into a constant cycle of emotional and mental ups and downs. When your mental and emotional health is on the upswing, everything is “just ok” (as they say). Nothing special really about this high. You just feel comfortable. You’re at home. On the downswing, you mostly lose motivation and have a hovering sense of sadness. The support system of friends, family and culture that we had in America does not exist here, so the downs are a bit longer and stronger. July through November I was living in my downswing.
So there you have it- a loss of motivation, a heavy sadness, and a need to be quiet. These are the overarching feelings I have had up until recently AND the reasons for remaining quiet on this blog. As for Todd’s reasons for not contributing…well, maybe he will give them too.
There have been a couple good things mixed in throughout these past six months and I’ll tell you about them later. For now, things are just ok. The end is in site with just six months more to go so we are trying to make the best of the little time left.
Thanks for checking in with us!
Amanda
Oh my goodness Amanda.. I had no idea of the situation your both in.. Know I pray for you both daily and will continue to do so! If things get out of control//your peace of mind and well being is more important than you both living in danger.. Come home!
I know you both are not quitters!! I am very proud for you both! But its not worth your life or security. Listen to your spirit! God gives us warnings..
peace and love.
Dad
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